In John 17:21, Jesus prayed that His followers would “be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us…” Jesus prays for unity amongst Christians, especially in the local church context. This unity is a powerful witness to unbelievers. Jesus says, “…that the world may believe that You sent Me.” Because our unity in Christ and one another is so important to our mission, we are spending some time discussing Forgiveness. Namely, the importance of Christians forgiving others as they have been forgiven by God (Eph 4:32). Just as God has graciously forgiven us of our sins against Him, we should forgive others when they sin against us. The Bible not only tells us that we are able to forgive, but that we should forgive and that it is good to forgive. Today, by the grace of God, we shall learn how we can take the necessary steps towards forgiveness.
Step 1 – Ask God to Help you Forgive
Don’t begin by refusing to forgive. Don’t begin by trying your best to forgive. Begin by meeting with God in prayer and asking Him to help you forgive. This is the first and most important step because it is a confession (acknowledgement) of your own inability to forgive. We declare that forgiveness can only happen with God’s help. This is the time to humble yourself and confess any sin of your own that has contributed to this conflict. At this time you remember that conflict happens because of sin. This is important because the answer for sin is a Savior. Take this important first step because this is one of God’s methods for helping us get rid of any bitterness and resentment (Heb 12:15). Remember that Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened” (Matt 7:7-8). Earlier in John, Jesus said, “Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (John 16:24).
Step 2 – Choose to Forgive
Forgiveness is only possible through Christ’s help (Phil 4:13) and you must make an intentional decision to forgive. Jesus said in His Model Prayer, “And forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us” (Luke 11:4). Paul exhorted the Colossians, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Col 3:12-13). When we forgive someone, we do not excuse their actions as if it is “no big deal”. We also do not refuse to call for appropriate civil punishment. If a crime has occurred we must seek justice for ourselves and any other victims. Proverbs 31:8-9 says it well, “Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.” Forgiving means you cease to pursue vengeance and entrust it to the proper authorities: Civil (Government – Rom 13:4) and Spiritual (God – Heb 10:30-31). Being freed from seeking vengeance, you choose to forgive as you focus on Christ and take the next step.
Step 3 – Stop Dwelling on the Incident.
Once you choose to forgive, you determine to stop dwelling on the offense. I know what you are thinking: “Easier said than done!” That is a fair response because we cannot just make ourselves stop thinking about something. Once our minds get fixated on an offense, we tend to keep gravitating back to it instinctively. This is why just trying to stop thinking about the offense isn’t enough. We must replace the thoughts with what is good. Paul told the Philippians, “whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things.” (Phil 4:8). As you keep asking God to redirect your thoughts and as you put this into practice it will become easier and you can take the next step.
Step 4 – Seek to Overlook the Offense
If at all possible seek to overlook an offense committed against you. Proverbs 19:11 says it is virtuous “to overlook an offense.” Many times an offense is an attack on your pride and ego. These should be used by God to produce humility and be overlooked. This is what Jesus meant when He said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also” (Matt 5:38-39). Jesus teaches us the principle that Paul summarizes as “Do not to be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom 12:21). Here are a few questions to help decide if you can overlook an offense: 1) Are you unable to stop dwelling on the incident? (This is more than an attack on my pride), 2) Did the incident damage a relationship or hurt someone?, 3) Does this keep happening over and over?, 4) Is the offender sinning against you or others and needs to be confronted? (Matt 18). If you are able to overlook the offense, do so; if you can’t, go to this person and pursue reconciliation. This is an important next step for the sake of unity and love.
Step 5 – Pursue Reconciliation
So far, every step has been between you and God. This step goes further and is an attempt to reconcile a fractured relationship. Forgiveness is something you can do with God’s help, but reconciliation requires the agreement of others. Thankfully, Jesus provides the steps of reconciliation in Matthew 18 and we will discuss this in more detail next week.
Take the Next Step
Who are you struggling to forgive? Is it someone in your family? Is it someone at work? Is it someone at church? Is it a neighbor? Is it all of the above? We cannot live in this world without sinning and being sinned against. One of the signs of Christian maturity is not how well you avoid conflict, but how you respond to conflict. Reflect this week on God’s forgiveness of your sins. Consider how gracious He is towards you in forgiving you for all your sin: past, present, and future. Ask God to help you forgive and love those who sin against you. Pray for them to be saved. Pray and ask God to help you forgive. Ask someone you respect to help you and hold you accountable to stop dwelling on the offense(s). Seek to overlook offenses, but if it isn’t possible pray for humility and meekness as you seek to talk to them and reconcile. Let us do this because unity brings glory to God and it is a powerful witness to unbelievers.
First Baptist Scott City, MO 
You must be logged in to post a comment.